Aparna Nancherla’s new book “Unreliable Narrator” is a journey into the world of anxiety and self-doubt

Comedian Aparna Nancherla’s new book “Unreliable Narrator” is a journey into the world of anxiety and self-doubt

Your favorite correspondents are back with our first chat of 2024! (As we noted back in December, we’ve made the shift to monthly to accommodate our schedules better!) 

We first noticed Aparna Nancherla when she became one of the breakout stars of the much-beloved and much-missed "Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell" back in 2012. If you know anything about us, you know that we're going to root hard for a fellow millennial South Indian creative -- so it has been fascinating to see her career take off through memorable standup sets, podcast episodes, feature films and in the world of animation.

Bits about mental health, anxiety, and the complexities of being a woman in the world are all hallmarks of Nancherla's work, so it is perhaps not surprising that her debut book "Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Impostor Syndrome" touches on all of those things and more.

"Unreliable Narrator" was released late last year to a lot of media buzz and when we were texted her appearance on Morning Joe by one of Lakshmi's family members, we knew that we needed to check it out.

You can purchase your own copy at our Bookshop storefront or reserve it from the library (though if your libraries are anything like ours, there's probably a wait).

Lakshmi: So... I wanted to like this! I was so hyped up! The Morning Joe appearance is very impressive! As is the NPR segment she did and a lot of the other coverage. But-- I struggled with it!

You literally just finished it right before we logged on, what did you think?

Asha: I liked the opening essays and the final essays, but the middle…I also struggled

Lakshmi: The opening was strong!

Asha: It was strong, and it was funny! But somewhere along the way, the humor got lost

Lakshmi: But also-- and you pointed out to me that this is a me thing (and I own it) but... I don't find it super relatable when famous people go on and on about how they feel like impostors, hahahahahah. 

Like, ok, you feel that way but-- you're fine! you have a book deal and a Wikipedia page. This is me also sounding like an immigrant parent. But I think this is also why I have checked out of the world of trendy stand up comedy.

Asha: You are such an auntie Lakshmi (and I say that with all the love in the world)

Lakshmi: It feels too personal to me sometimes – like I don't want to know about every internal observation? If that makes sense…

Also, I can see how making yourself the center of a comedy bit can also lead you into dark corners? Not saying Aparna does this! But these are thoughts I had while reading

Asha: So it’s funny, I had a different reaction…the middle essays felt faux-personal, if that makes sense. It was as if she was revealing her internal thoughts, but only superficially.

Lakshmi: Can you give an example of what felt faux personal.

Asha: I don’t know if I have a specific example…it might have been the way she writes more than anything…

It felt faux-personal, because I wasn’t compelled to care about the narrator

Lakshmi: I was surprised she was so open about her plastic surgery.

Asha: That was one of the essays I actually liked!

Lakshmi: Yes, I liked it too- but it was VERY open!

So, as readers will learn when they check the book out, Aparna struggles her whole life with body image issues (and sadly this also leads to pretty serious disordered eating). But she also -- well before she was famous -- had several cosmetic procedures as a young person, and I found it really revealing but almost TOO revealing. It was a lot to learn about someone you'll never meet or be friends with!

Asha: Technically they’re cosmetic, but in reality, they are to fix things.

Lakshmi: Well that was interesting too- because she does say that one of them could have been skipped.

Asha: The eyelid one, yes.

Lakshmi: Like if she had just self-accepted it, the surgery could have been avoided.

Asha: Fixing a drooping eyelid is definitely cosmetic – 

Lakshmi: But as you say- it does affect quality of life! So it's a gray area..

Asha: – but I think it’s fairly common, so it didn’t phase me.

Lakshmi: Right.

The JAW surgery, that was a lot. I think it's also because any surgery on the lower face requires such a long recovery time and liquid diets etc

Asha: To me that illustrated one of the big issues with our healthcare system.

She had an underbite, which wasn’t an emergency, but would affect her life and health eventually. The fact that our healthcare system considers a lot of dental work cosmetic is a big issue! Your teeth affect the rest of your health!

Lakshmi: Would it though? Like I thought it wasn't that severe? Her parents ask her if she really wants it! They are in medicine.

Asha: Her parents are doctors not dentists though. From the book:

While my orthodontist said there was no rush to get the surgery, he did recommend that I get it at some point, or my bite would eventually wear all my teeth down to nubs.

Lakshmi: All orthodontists say that. But we aren't surrounded by nub-toothed people.

I am in full auntie mode today apparently…

Asha: You are!

I don’t know anyone with an underbite, but I also know that in India at the time her parents were growing up, many peoples’ teeth would have fallen out before it got to the point where their teeth had been ground down to nubs. A good orthodontist will not sell you a procedure you don’t need.

Lakshmi: Sure, but I do think there was some complexity there. But yes, I agree that was one of the most revealing pieces in the book!

Asha: She grouped it into her wanting to “fix” her appearance, but I think there’s more to that particular procedure than just insecurity over an underbite (just my two cents as the niece of two dentists!)

Lakshmi: Can you talk more about what you texted me earlier- about how much of the ground she treads here isn't new? I kept wondering who the book was for

Asha: The “Failure Resume” was pretty funny, and I appreciated that.

Lakshmi: Yes, that was clever.

Asha: But then she goes into “introversion”, which in her case is just code for “severe anxiety”, as opposed to actual introversion.

Lakshmi: I am a very introverted person (or at least I used to be for my first 30 years of life?) and yes, nothing here was recognizable. It felt like she was conflating "serious panic"

with "introversion".

Asha: She was. She should have framed it differently, or just cut the essay entirely, because she does go into anxiety later.

Lakshmi: I've felt that with a lot of books I've read recently – people not recognizing what is a serious mental health condition and what is a personality trait.

Asha: Definitely.

She also talks about depression –

Lakshmi: I think that's why the book was hard to read! A lot of it was descriptions of severe internal turmoil -- which is a very individual thing.

Asha: – And I did appreciate that she mentioned pop cultural mental health vs actual lived experience

Lakshmi: It was a peek into her psyche but I was unclear what I was supposed to take away?

One thing that I said to you earlier, I wonder what we would have felt about this book if it had come out in 2013, rather than 2023!

Asha: Yes!

Lakshmi: So, as many readers know, this genre was practically invented by Mindy Kaling

and her 2011 book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)”. Obviously Aparna wasn't famous then, but it felt like a companion to Mindy's book -- and I don't know if we need that. 

Asha: I think you can write about topics that have been written about over and over, but you have to bring something new to the table, and nothing in these essays felt new. And they didn’t have the humor of the opening essays.

Lakshmi: Yes!! Also, Mindy's book was a pure humor book. This had academic research, personal anecdotes and like a weird self-help tone that wasn't consistent, and then would go back to personal anecdotes. 

I wonder if the fact that she was a psych major at Amherst (and therefore was trained as a researcher) hurt the humor part... I suspect it did

Asha: Possibly!

Lakshmi: Like it felt like it could be an Amherst senior thesis (I don't know if they have to do a thesis haha)

Asha: She talks about social media and, essentially, going viral which Francesca Ramsey covered in her first book.

Actually I do have an example of the faux-personal…

Lakshmi: Please share!

Asha: She talks about dating and her sex drive (or lack thereof)

And while it feels personal for her to tell us that sex isn’t that important to her and that the idea of it is preferable to the real thing, she’s not actually saying much about it.

Lakshmi: But also-- some of this could be a side effect of strong antidepressants. I was like - I am confused about your conclusions…

Asha: And it could be the side effect of the guys she’s been with being…I dunno…bad at sex?

Lakshmi: And also-- this is auntie mode again-- but I'm like why am I thinking about this chick's most intimate behaviors

Asha: Hahahaha, you’re such an auntie

Lakshmi: The takeaway for the reader has to be really strong, and I didn't know (once again) what she wanted the reader to take away. Like did she just want to share this-- or does she think she is saying something new about being a second generation woman? OR WHAT

Asha: All great questions.

Lakshmi: So I've probably mentioned this before while reviewing, but personal essays are not my genre of choice and it's because the takeaways for the readers are often so muddled. And because of the faux intimacy! I think I've established today (once again) that I'm not a fan, hahaha

But even the part about when she got a book deal, and she talks about how she cashed the advance but still struggled with procrastination -- which is relatable! a big intimidating project often leads to writers' block!

BUT am I really supposed to feel tons of sympathy for a famous person with a book deal

like the way it's written... I did not

Asha: HA

Lakshmi: But if she revealed that she was procrastinating and then had a big reveal about what she is REALLY afraid of, then we'd be cooking with gas, you know? But as it is, she is just mad at herself for the whole essay and is like "and then I ate chips on the couch all day", and it's like... ok

Asha: Yes, exactly.

I did like her essay about being a brown woman doing stand-up, which is one of the last ones. That felt like it had a takeaway.

Lakshmi: Yes! The WHOLE BOOK SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT.

Asha: Dude, the paragraph about the Black comic who wrote jokes about being South Asian for her…I gasped.

Lakshmi: It was one of those- ohhhh moments.

Asha: I don’t even know how you make a joke about being stalked by a sniper funny! What was he thinking!

Lakshmi: I think comics are just weird and twisted people, and most need a producer who tells them when they go too far.

Asha: I’m a weird and twisted person, but if I was going to make that joke, it would only be within a close group of friends who have the same twisted sense of humor!

Lakshmi: So that's the difference between you and a comic though! you know what is for close friends and what is for public consumption?

Asha: I guess that’s true.

Lakshmi: I'm telling you, this is why I struggle with the current wave of observational comedy. I keep going-- "this should have been for your journal".

I haven't watched it, and I am never going to, but remember when everyone was talking about Bo Burnham's special, and I'm like "but this doesn't sound funny though" hahaha

Asha: The name only barely rings a bell for me.,,

Lakshmi: From Wikipedia: 

Featuring a variety of songs and sketches about his day-to-day life indoors, it depicts Burnham's deteriorating mental health, explores themes of performativity and his relationship to the internet and the audience it helped him reach, and addresses topics such as climate change and social movements. Other segments discuss online activities such as FaceTiming one's mother, posting on Instagram, sexting, and live streaming video games.

Like that just sounds like a one man show, not a comedy special, so the movement of what 'comedy' is also confuses me hahaha. (But again, I am not going to watch it.)

Asha: My takeaway is “comedy is hard”

Lakshmi: Sure.

Asha: But also “know your audience”.

Lakshmi: but also- WHAT IS YOUR TAKEAWAY FOR THE AUDIENCE? Can you state that clearly? 

Like if you just want to unload about your trauma (I think a lot of people do?) there is clearly an audience for that, but just not me hahaha.

Asha: Somewhat related: I had one Filipina FB friend (who I did a show with a decade ago), vehemently defending Jo Koy after he bombed at the Golden Globes. And “know your audience” is still my biggest takeaway about comedy

Lakshmi: Oh yes - I saw people post along those lines on social media. His audience is very loyal.

Asha: Swiftie-level loyal. (Full disclosure, I didn’t watch the monologue, but if no one in your audience is laughing, you’re telling the wrong jokes)

Lakshmi: It wasn't great! I tuned out. Very slapdash.

Ok we need to wrap, what is your final thought?

Asha: Final thought: the personal essay genre is hard. But I wish Aparna Nancherla well.

Editors’ note: As we transition to a monthly newsletter, we also wanted to make space for a new section in which we both share quick takes on what we are reading, watching and listening to. Without further ado, here’s our list for January.

These are a few of our (current) favorite things

What we’re reading: 

Asha:  “The Other Black Girl” by Zakiya Dalila Harris. I finally finished the Hulu series, so I decided to go back and read the book! 

Lakshmi: “The Way of Chai: Recipes for a Meaningful Life” by Kevin Wilson. The author was recently featured on NPR’s Book of the Day podcast (alongside the late, much-missed cookbook author Raghavan Iyer) and I was so struck by his approach to chai and how thoughtfully creating something for yourself in these hectic times is an act of radical self-care.

What we’re watching:

Lakshmi:  I was lucky enough to represent SAJA (aka the South Asian Journalists Association) at the official premiere of “Public Obscenities” opening night for Shayok Misha Chowdhury’s “Public Obscenities,” which is currently at the Theatre for a New Audience in Brooklyn. I don’t want to talk too much about the plot because I found that part of the joy of this show was watching the story and its many threads unfold, but I will say that it is about a Bengali man who returns to his family home in Calcutta with a Black American boyfriend in tow. I urge anyone who is able to go see it before the end of its run on February 18!

Asha: “True Detective: Night Country” on Max. I can’t say I remember much about the previous seasons of True Detective (it’s been a decade since Season 1 premiered, and 5 years since Season 3 after all), but the new season is deliciously creepy and has some amazing actresses heading it, and I am hooked.

What we’re listening to:

Asha: I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts while I’m driving to Palo Alto. My favorite one continues to be “Criminal,” which has some of the most interesting true crime stories, modern and historical.

Lakshmi: I am currently playing British singer-songwriter Olivia Dean’s debut album ‘Messy’ nearly every day while I work. The 24-year-old (who is of Guyanese, Jamaican, and English ancestry) was recently named the BBC Introducing Artist of the Year. Check out her recent BBC Live Lounge set here.